Is My Partner a Narcissist?
Confidence and ambition are often seen as green flags in a relationship. But what happens when that confidence starts to feel a bit more like arrogance? Your partner's need to be admired can start to dim your light. If you've ever left a conversation with your partner feeling confused, emotionally drained, or even invisible, you may find yourself questioning, "Is my partner actually a narcissist?"
The word "narcissist" tends to get thrown around a bit more casually these days. But it's important to know that if you're feeling this way, there's got to be a reason for it. Taking the time to understand the signs of narcissism can help you validate your own experience. Let's find out if your partner is a narcissist and what steps you can take moving forward.
What Is Narcissism?
We all have moments where we're a bit more vain or selfish, but that doesn't mean that we're all narcissists. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is defined by an inflated sense of self, a deep desire for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissistic people truly believe that they are superior to others and will even exploit the people in their lives to achieve their goals.
The Key Traits
If your partner shows some of these common signs, they could be a narcissist. These are the signs to look out for.
They Make Everything About Them
Does your partner always try to make everything about them? Are they constantly shifting conversations back to themselves? Do they dismiss or belittle your accomplishments, feelings, or problems so that theirs seem bigger, better, or more intense than yours?
Narcissists want your full attention and admiration. They can struggle to share the spotlight, even in one-on-one conversations.
They Lack Empathy
Being empathetic is being able to understand and share someone else's feelings. If you're dating a narcissist, this may be lacking completely.
When you express yourself, a narcissistic partner will often blame, dismiss, or minimize your feelings. You may even start to second-guess your own thoughts and feelings just to make sure you don't upset your partner.
They Gaslight You
Gaslighting is a common tactic for narcissists. They may say things like "That never happened" or "You're too sensitive." It's their way to make you doubt your own perception of reality. Over time, your self-trust will start to dwindle.
They Can't Handle Criticism
Narcissists crave attention and praise, and they have a hard time accepting any criticism. When met with criticism, they may react defensively, even if the criticism is mild. As a partner, you may find yourself trying to avoid saying or doing the wrong thing or feeling like you're walking on eggshells around them.
They Manipulate You
Narcissists and manipulation go hand in hand. Tactics like love bombing, guilt-tripping, or the silent treatment are often used as a way for them to have the upper hand and stay in control of the relationship.
They Never Apologize
Narcissists will struggle to apologize or take accountability, even when they were wrong. Instead of actually apologizing, they may say things like "I'm sorry you feel that way." They may even try to deflect any blame onto you and completely avoid taking any ownership.
How to Move Forward
Fortunately, there are steps you can take to improve your situation. Regardless of whether your partner is a narcissist, here are some steps you can take to make your relationship healthier:
Educate yourself
Keep track of behavioral patterns
Set and enforce boundaries
Lean on your loved ones
Join a support group
Consider individual or couples therapy
If these traits hit a little too close to home, keep in mind that it doesn't necessarily mean that your partner is a narcissist, but it does mean that your relationship could benefit from couples or trauma therapy. Reach out to us today if you're interested in bettering your own mental health and your relationship moving forward.